Overheard in an Indoor Cycling Class...

You know when you turn to your mate in class and ask them why the indoor cycling instructor is the lovechild of Pol Pot and Cruella De Vil? We can hear. You may think we can’t, but we can. Some of us can also lip-read. We’re basically shouty superheroes with super sleuth hearing and the ability to see clearly in UV light.

Luckily we have hardened skins (mainly from sitting on saddles for 85% of the day) and we don’t mind. Here are just some of the things I’ve overheard in a decade as an indoor cycling instructor…

'I'm not sure it was a good idea to have that Cornetto five minutes ago..'.

'Can we go to the pub instead?'.

'This class is just half an hour, right?'.

'Do they clip you into the pedals so you can never leave?'.

'That was worse than childbirth'.  

'Do you think she's noticed I haven't added on single turn for the last 30 minutes?'.

‘I've sat on comfier bollards'.

I've definitely been sick in my mouth'.

'Can I ride in my flipflops?'.

'That totally cured my hangover!'.

'Why have they taken all the clocks out of this room?!'.

'That was both awful, and utterly fantastic'.

'I've forgotten my glasses and my contact lenses, this is like the weirdest rave I've ever been to'.

'Why won't she let us lean on the bars? it's so much comfier down there.'

'I just need to have a little sit down'. *gets off bike and sits on floor*

'How is there still ONE MORE TRACK TO GO?'.

‘I love stretching, stretching's the best bit'.

'Quite honestly, I feel like Beyonce right now'.